During the week, we discussed the idea of living in the borderlands -- that we are often part of multiple cultures at the same time that might cause inner conflict. For example, the "college thug" often struggles with identity, as he isn't sure if he wants to "give up the street life" and become a "college boy." So, he might feel stuck in the middle.
When have you dealt with being in the borderlands, and how did you handle it? What did you learn in the process?
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When I was in high school, I was called a white girl because of my friends and the music that I would listen to. I didn't like when people would say it and I acted as though I didn't care, but I did. I couldn't understand why what I listened too and the people I hund around mattered to other people. My white friends that where girls liked black guys and were more into the things I was suppose to like because I was black.
ReplyDeleteI cannot let people determine what and who I am because of the things that I like. I decided to go Natural (my hair) about two years ago. My mother didn't like it and said my hair looks like wool. I told her that I did this for me and no one ELSE! When I decided to make this change I thought about what people might say and feel about it. Well, I felt so free and liberated. I'm so proud of myself for doing something for a change that I really didn't care what people thought in the end.
I think also, if a person wants to go to college and all they really knew were the streets; they would see that college is suppose to help better you. Most people go to college to make a differene in their life or their families life. I think that when you get older you should make wiser decisions. If your friends (so called) cared anything about you they would understand what your trying to acheive and be there for you.
I would say a time that I felt like I was in the Borderlands was when I joined the dance team in college. A lot of people that I used to hang out with started to call me names like "Stuck Up, Prissy, Bitch" and even behind my back they would talk about me and say that I think that I am "To Good" to be around them anymore. It hurt me because people do not understand how much time goes into putting together a show and it would take up much of your time. When I tried to hang out with them when I had some free time I was rejected by them. For the longest I couldn't understand what was going on because here I was a brand new freshmen in college and trying to find myself and fit into a brand new environment.
ReplyDeleteAlso it was hard because I was the only new person on the dance team and it was hard trying to fit into something that was already established. So in reality I was losing on both sides because I was trying to keep the new friends that I met in college and trying to fit into the band. After a while I figured that I had to leave the "O is me" attitude behind because I figured that if people could not accept the fact that I was doing something that made me happy then it was not worth playing two parts anymore in my life. It was hard to turn away the people that I first met when I got here but if they were going to criticize me, then they were not for me. I learned that when people are jealous they do not know how to control their emotions. Being in college and being a woman I have learned that people will get jealous over the dumbest things. The best way to handle a situation like that is to not even give into the bull because when you do you will only bring yourself down. As you get older people are going to hate you for no reason and as long as you make yourself happy and you keep all of your morals and values close to you. You will be able to survive in this world.
When I was in High School I was often called the White boy. I was an earlier morning person and still am. I was always in the house at a reasonable time and still am. I am a well dressed person. At times I was often told that I thought I was better than everyone. I handle it this way, I just kept being me and refused to change for any one.
ReplyDeleteMaurice E. Young
I guess all through my life i was just known as the track girl. I was the type of person who wasn't really into boys and always and i was a sports type person. So looks was the last thing on my mind. I was just known as trackstar/ crazy girl. Only because in middle school and in high school i was really quiet and i was always picked on becuase i never really said much. I was always like that as a child. But i was also the type of person who didn't like to be picked on either so i would get into alot of fights, but never in school because i was like a teachers pet..lol..But i'm not going to lie when i was younger i did have a anger issues so i would get mad a lot. But not that i am in college i learn to control my anger my look has change alot, and i am very socialable i like to talk alot. Now when i go home everybody just looks at me and just be like "what happen to the old delilah i don't like this one, i don't even know who you are anymore". I was the type of person who was always scared to do things, and i was the type of person who alot of people didn't think she was going to make it in life but i am n still doing. I just learned to keep my head up and i just think to myself all they people who put me down in life because even though my looks and sometimes my attitude might change sometings i am still the same person and i don't care what nobody thinks. Everybodys different no matter what.
ReplyDeleteA time in my life when I struggled with two cultures, I guess, is when I was trying to figure out my identity similar to the example you used about the college thug turning from the streets or becoming a college boy. Not long ago, I got out of a 3 year relationship with a female and I vowed to myself that after her, I would no longer engage in same-sex relationships. So after I came to terms with our break up, the next person who began to speak to me with much sincerity had my mind gone and it happened to be a guy. I had never been with a guy before so it was all too new to me just talking to him on that level. I gained an attraction for him.
ReplyDeleteDuring this time, I was so confused because although I said I would never date a girl again, I never thought I would really live up to that committment. Being with a guy was something that never entertained me. I didn't have a clue as to which direction to go because I was too through with females, but ready to try something new. Time passed and I realized I couldn't do the "guy thing." I couldn't adapt to that lifestyle so I stopped talking to him all together. What I learned in the process is that it's always good to try something new once in a while because then you know for sure if you do or don't like something.
I don't think I have ever lived in the "borderlands"...therefore I can't relate to this issue. I've always been myself..so I only put myself in situations where I'm free to be myself..
ReplyDeleteI think all my life i have been on ther borderlands because of my families church ties. Being that my famiy has a pastorial and minister lineage I constanly struggle between being the real me, the church me and the so called bad boy me. When in the church atmosphere I have to put on a role not to be accepted but just to hold upa standard, and around my street friends I have another role as something diffrent, and on campus i have the role of being smart and being a clown. Its funny though most people say im quiet and thats because in certain classes I guess the atmosphere changes the role I take on
ReplyDeleteI agree with Anonoymous, I'm just me. I feel like you have to find a sense of self. I do feel that when you become older you begin to not care so much of what someone thinks of you. I'm the same person evertime you see me. Happy go lucky, I guess.
ReplyDeletewhen i was living at home with my parents i didnt do a lot of things that i do now. for example drinking. i have a lot friends that drink and some that dont. with my situation at home and my father and sister being an alcoholic. it makes me uncomfortable being around my friends when they drink. also whenever i drink i see myself acting like my father and sister when they drink.
ReplyDeleteNow and my past years through high school and college I have know to be the "mean girl". My best friend thinks that I am so mean but I do not think so, i actually think she is too nice.I can say that at times I can very mean but sometimes I think people over think my comments or facial expressions that I tend to make or say. Which can be deceiving. Me being myself is I guess being an ass to others is how peole see me. I think it is just the tone of my voice and the words i tend to use. After losing my job after 2yrs because they said that I was rude and mean then hung up on my customers. Truthfully i think it was just my tone of voice. But it did make make me realize that i do have to tone my attitude down or choose my words more wisely. I always knew that was going to be a problem because I do not see myself as mean but i beleive I can be. I am just being me and I will probably never change. I think my personality that i have makes me who I am. So i feel if people do not like what I say or how i say it then they should not surrounds themselves around me.
ReplyDeleteIve dealt with the borderland situation when I first got to college. I am a DC native but when I was younger I moved to a suburb type area in Southern Maryland. This area was way different from the Washington city life that I was used to. It was more quiet and a lot safer.
ReplyDeleteThis area was also mostly white. This kind of let me pick up another personality and a different sense of style. Back home this sense of style was known as being preppy. When I came to college this sense of style was known as dressing like a white boy. Most people would be so shocked to hear I was from DC because of how I dressed and my personality. I guess they expected me to be less friendly?
Anyway I never changed anything about myself and eventually people just learned to expect certain things from me and didn't expect me to act differently because I was around a different group of people.
Reading Miss. Winston's post.. I disagree with that because I feel that everyone has experienced a situation when they're stuck and don't know which direction to turn. It's only human nature that we be placed in those pedicaments. As far as what Staisha says, I can relate to her because people often tend to say I'm mean once they get to know me. I don't feel I'm mean just as she said, I just say what I feel. I'm blunt about everything. I tend to not beat around the bush and for that, people judge me as being mean. Now either I could continue to be myself, or try to change the way some of my words come out to make everybody else content; this would then become an issue like the Borderlands because I'd be stuck in whether I wanted to continue to be myself or change who I am to accomodate everyone else.
ReplyDeleteWell i leave where its not really the norm to college and stay. My community is in the middle of good nieghborhoods but i live n the bad part. For example when i tell people im from hampton va they say o u live in a nice town. which is so false.Every place has its bad parts.
ReplyDeleteSaying all this is to relate to the bordelands. I always was into my education and learning new things. So in my neighboorhood i was considered strange. They would test me all the time. Which would lead to me fighting or getting kicked out of school. I didnt know which side to really choose untill i got to be 16. I didnt care anymore i wanted to learn and noone wouild stop me.
Honestly dealing with borderlands has not been a big issue with me. i mean maybe going home and seeing those friends that didnt go to college and trying to be cool with them is not easy because we grow distant frome each other. im in college they at home working i try to accomodate themthe best that i can because i close we were. But now im just the "college boy" like going to college or trying to better myself as a black young adult isn't the thing to do so eventually instead of accomodating i should just cut them loose.
ReplyDeleteThe Borderlines to me is a direct interpetation of how I feel about my life and my diversity culturally. Whether people believe on not I am not just a black female I am also part indian, white and puerto rican. Most of the time when people label me as being just black it offends me because I believe that thats not what I am. I consider myself to be a Mixed American and it hurts when people say things like "you not mix you just black or thats what you think you are." Its shame that it takes for people to see my family for them to really believe that I am what I say I am.
ReplyDeleteI also hate dealing with people who tell me that I need to choose what traditional beackground I want to follow. I personally try to at least combine certain tradition from each part of my heriage but people look at me as if Im trying to make everyone happy instead of how I look at it as being diverse.The only person who seems to understand me besides my family is my boyfriend and I think thats because he is mixed himself. But to make a long story short I guess I'll always be struck in the borderlands as long as I live.
Who are we to say whats white or whats black? People can't help the way they act. Coming for a family where my grandmother is half jewish, having a native american back on my grandfathers side and also my father being from Kenya I so much from different cultures and my family coming in all different colors,shapes, and size. I know how it feels to be called the white girl, even people saying that I think I better than them because I grow up very different from many people I know. Being the only child I know feel it feel to have and not have. I feel werid sometimes when I in a class and a teacher ask "how many of yall are the first to go to college in your family" and I am like the 23th to go to college. I grow up middle class all my live so I don't know how to relate to the street or being hood. Thats why its nothing knew to be called white girl to me. But I dont think that should define a person. Not how you look but my how act and even many people put on a show an act one way around people but by themselves its a whole new story. All I can say it be yourself dont let you background or the way you look on the outside define you as a person.
ReplyDeleteI've personally been in border lands many different times often conflicting because of the different roles I take on as a student and still as a child to my family. One main one is the difference between being a class queen and being a college student. Juss because I am a class queen doesn;t mean I cant have a male friend, or go out to the club or have fun. There's just a different way to do it. I didn't know that when I won miss freshman that there would be so much controversy in different thigns I was a part of. But when I won Miss Sophomore, I was ready for all the obstacles. Theres a certain way to carry yourself around certain people. It's not being fake, its just knowing your different roles in assumed enviroments. I think I learned it pretty well.
ReplyDeleteAnother role conflict I had was being an SDC and again just being a student. I guess my min goal is to show that regardless of your individul roles, we are all still students and here to have fun. Theres just a time and plce to do certain things and act certain ways. People need to learn the diffence between those platforms. Knowing where you are and who you are in front of, is not just something. Its more like everything.
Well in high school I was always voted "most outgoing", but I desperately wanted to get away from that image.It was cool being popular, loved, and envied; but at some point, I wanted to just relax sometime. I took it upon myself to do just that, but it was just then that I realized people had grown so acustom to my personality. People thought I was mad at them, going through something, or just plain sick. I WAS FINE! I thought college would be an escape goat for me to get rid of that image, but anyone who is reading this blog knows that....IT DID NOT HAPPEN. People still know me as the funny girl, or my favorite..."BEING REAL". In all honesty I just want to listen sometime and not partake in some of the things. When I do reveal my opinion I want it to reap facts, stats, or general knowledge of things that I have learned. Knowing when and not when to say things is a sign of maturity to me. This is a task I work very hard on, and I am always looking to improve. These two personalities still conflict, because just like high school teenagers, my adult peeers think that I am mad, goiing through something, or FREAKN SICK! :') It is funny at times, but I don't get it most of the time, why is people expect me to be a certain way and if Im not something has got to be wrong. I do undestand that everyone is different and the my personality is a blessing, but it is my charecter that needs a little work; howerver, I have accepted the fact that I am who I am, but there can always be an upgrade. I am hard working, I am outgoing, I am leraning how to turn that off and on, I am srtiving towards success, and I am still maturing and learning. For those who expect me to be anything more or less, well, you must not really know me.
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